One summer, I was working as a waitress at a community hall. My Dad helped me get the job. It was a great summer job with great tips. The uniform for the position was black pants, white shirt and black shoes. It was the early 1990’s and it was common to tuck your pants into your socks. As I was sitting in the living room, Dad told me I shouldn’t tuck my pants into my socks. It wasn’t the uniform.
I was home from college and of course, immensely independent. He mentioned something about the chef set the rules for attire and I wasn’t obeying the rule. Dad said, the chef is the boss and deserves my respect. The chef wasn’t the best person. He was grabby and sexist. He was moody and definitely not a leader. I snapped at Dad when he commanded that I follow this guy’s direction that respect is earned and not given. Dad stopped in his tracks and said, “Well, I can’t argue with that.”
I encounter this idea that because someone holds a position, and only because they are in that position, that respect should be given. “He’s the boss” was the phrase used with me just the other day. Yet, the behavior isn’t worthy of my respect.
There is a balance we need to maintain. Between earning respect, giving respect and the practicality of living. You don’t want to lose your job, but yet, you don’t want to be disrespected. How do you balance? Simple – be worthy of respect first. Respect is a two-way street. Be one who is worthy of respect, and respect will also be given.
You can’t control others – their behaviors, beliefs, values. But you can control your own. That doesn’t mean you tolerate what is intolerable. But it does mean you can respond differently. Take in gratitude. Learn from the interaction about who you are, how you react and what you can become. Continue to become who you were designed to be. Respect is earned, not given. That goes for you too.