Month: March 2020

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Roll Away the Stone

Today is what my choir friends and I call Roll Away the Stone Sunday, named after the song by Tom Conry. The gospel is John 11: 1-45 in which Jesus travels to Martha and Mary’s because Lazarus has died.

The first time we sang this song, we repeated the refrain many times. We were captured in the moment and it felt right, spirit led to sing those words over and over, “Roll away the stone and see the glory of God. Roll away the stone.” It was as if our voices were willing the stone to move. It wasn’t forceful, it was faith-full. As we repeated the refrain again and again, out of seemingly nowhere, we hear our soloist cry out, “Lazarus, come out!” It was one of those powerful moments when chills run down your back and the hairs on your arms stand up. Even as I write this, I remember the sensation of that moment.

We haven’t been able to recreate that specific moment, but we relive it every time we hear that scripture reading and sing this piece. “Roll away the stone and see the glory of God. Roll away the stone.”

As we are staying home to protect others and ourselves during this COVID-19 pandemic, I was reflecting on this song. “Roll away the stone.” It isn’t a huge leap to start to wonder, what stones has God rolled away in my life and allowed me to see the glory of God?

To cover them all – the stones, the pebbles or rocks – is a long winding road. Many have heard the stories, some are part of those tales. Needless to say (but I’ll say it anyway) there is not a stone in my life that God hasn’t removed, allowing me to not only see but to deeply experience God’s glory in miraculous as well as tiny, every day ways.

Each year, I pick a theme rather than make resolutions. I have been doing this long before it was cool and trendy. My theme for 2020 is Glorious Unfolding, from the song by Steven Curtis Chapman (yes, music is a theme in my life). The song speaks to allowing God to unfold wonders in my life, just to trust in the journey. It calls me to stop doing what I am well known for doing – planning and being freakishly efficient and organized. Lately, I have found myself drifting back into that pattern, especially amid the stay at home order. I make my lists, I cross off items and continue to feel that sense of accomplishment.

Yet, despite the fear and unknown of this virus, I feel called to slow down. And, that is a blessing. I’ve been moving very fast for about the last five years. But now that I have settled into my home office and adjusted to the temporary moment of physical distancing, I am called to be still, to take in and to see the Glory of God.

I will miss singing this powerful song this weekend with my friends, my spiritual family. Yet, not singing has forced me to pause, to relive in my heart a powerful moment and remember the stones God has rolled away – not just for me, but for those around me. Now I ask God to reveal to me what I have yet to learn as I take this time to pause. “Roll away the stone and see the glory of God. Roll away the stone.”

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The Strength that Surrounds Me

In June of 2004, my Mom was officially diagnosed with breast cancer. I had suspected for much longer, but she refused to go to a doctor. Since that summer day, my life seems to have been a stream of change – cancer, moving to Germany to work overseas, being laid off while living overseas and moving home, a new job, selling my townhouse, moving from the suburbs into the city, a new job, mom’s remission to cancer to dying in 2011, yet another job and then getting laid off again, another new job, my Dad dies, selling my childhood home and the memories therein.

There was also the change around me. A member of my choir and friend died in a tragic boating accident, two of my dear uncles passed away as well as an aunt. I’ve had neighbors move in and out as well as the societal changes from flip phones to smartphones, the end of beloved TV shows, buildings being torn down and others put in their place to new presidential administrations.

When I lay it out in this linear fashion, I am reminded it was a lot of change to endure. Many of these changes were also big, life changes – the loss of loved ones, new jobs, moving.

I turned 50 in December. Before and since, I’ve been reflecting on this life journey of mine. Perhaps this passage of time and the changes within it are more visual when you have children, something biology didn’t allow for in my life. You see your children practically immobile, to rolling, to crawling, to walking. You see them continually learning, talking and growing into themselves. But reflecting individually on the passage of time and the changes we walk through isn’t as visual and maybe not as noticeable.

As I turned 50, it was important to me to embrace this milestone birthday. It gave me the opportunity to celebrate and bring the many people in my life together. During that evening, I spoke about each of the groups of my friends and family and how they helped craft me, carried me, consoled me, sang with me, challenged me and most importantly loved me. Despite all my flaws, the times I may have unintentionally hurt or caused pain, they loved. My people provided a constant flow of forgiveness and kindness. They created a safe place for me to be the best and worse of me, to which I can always return, return to myself.

People have often said that I am strong. Perhaps I am in comparison. But the reality in my mind is that I am not strong, I have strength around me. I have the strength of my friends, the strength of my family and the strength of my God. This is the strength that surrounds me and carries me.

My life is a bit more settled now. I feel 50 has brought me peace, security and a liberating confidence. There is much I have let go and so much more ahead. I am excited to see how it unfolds. Most importantly, I am excited to share this journey ahead with my people, for they are the strength that surrounds me.