On Christmas Day, 1994, my Grandmother had a stroke. When we got the call, we of course jumped in the car and drove the 40 minutes to the hospital. Once there, we visited with her, got the download from the nurses. Then, we sat in the hospital room in silence for a long time. We listened to the dripping of the IV and the tone of the heart monitor. Mom and Dad left no more than a half hour after they arrived. They went to the house to see how Grandpa was and to check if he wanted to come to the hospital. Still weak from his own surgery and hospitalization, Grandpa couldn’t drive. Grandma and I were alone .
Nurse Mary came in. She handed Grandma two blue sheets of paper stapled together. “Adeline, have you thought of a living will? It is a statement of how you want to be treated. Federal law requires that I ask you about it and provide you with information. It is just a statement of how you want to be treated.” “Nicely,” Grandma said. “I want to be treated nicely.” I felt my chest tighten and a tear swell up in my eye. “Nicely,” she said again. “I’ll have the chaplain come by tomorrow and talk to you about it.” Nurse Mary left.
Grandma looked at the paper on her tray. Then she handed it to me. “You look at it.” Her eyes had grown weak from diabetes and she had difficulty reading anything with small print. I took the blue sheets from her. I read them over. They asked her to consider her values and life. Did she want her life to be prolonged by artificial means if there was no other way she could live? Did she want to donate her organs? I told Grandma all of this. “Nicely” was enough.
Those few words have stuck with me, Treat Me Nicely. What a great message for leaders. The other day, I wasn’t treated nicely. I was called out at a meeting with many people for something in my mind is simple, easily corrected with a little kindness and conversation. The worst part, is it was our general manager for the division. Not cool boyfriend. Not cool.
I think sometimes those in the highest leadership positions forget the impact their words and actions can have. In many organizations, the face-to-face interaction an executive may have with a person is short. If they aren’t thinking I need to make a strong, powerful impact in this short moment to motivate, inspire and lead, they are missing an opportunity.
I understand life and business moves fast and can be stressful. But, in those moments it is even more important to step back, take a breath and be thoughtful with our choice of words. Yet, I find the simple practices of kindness, humility and service to others are absent in today’s leadership teachings. Maybe it is my company, but maybe not.
It seems like the leadership philosophy today is dependent on command/control, the hierarchy and “trickle down” to bring a strategy to life. And yet, so few leaders with whom I interact are taking the time to bring out the best in their people. What is most concerning is, it isn’t hard to inspire people. Be kind. Be honest. Be courageous enough to talk to people 1:1 when there is an issue. Help him or her work toward a solution, rather than complain about the problem.
Leading isn’t as hard as people make it. Leading is basic human decency. It is as simple as my Grandma made it, treat me nicely.
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