Let’s go deeper into what happens to your team when you have dog syndrome.
Recently at my performance review, my boss at the time told me to speak up more, to use my voice. She said she knows I understand the business and have great insights. She encouraged me to offer those insights in the moment. This is the same person who is rich on criticism and light on praise.
Since that point, I have a new boss and her insecurity has come out. She often feels the need to recite her credentials, her experiences and put others’ credentials and experience down in the process. It is the attitude of “I’ve done this before – bigger and better than any of you.” Her intent isn’t to malign, rather it comes from a place of needing to prove herself, let us know she is worthy of our respect and trust.
In both of these cases, the last thing I want to do is compete. I can compete in bowling or a board game. And in my youth my competitive streak ran deep on the soccer or softball field. I was fiercely determined in high school and college academically. It was well known when I set my mind to something, it got done. It was done well and I won.
That same fervor isn’t there for me in the workplace especially I now work in an organization that really does have a greater purpose – something in which I believe. That makes the work more rewarding. And, all the more reason I don’t want to compete with my colleagues or my boss.
And so when the insecurity comes out in my boss, I just let it go. I do as I am told and walk away. I go home and snuggle my furry pals. My voice is silenced by someone else’s insecurity. I don’t compete with that gaping hole in someone else’s life because I can’t fill their cup. I can listen, I can advise and coach, and I can affirm. But, I won’t compete for space or go to battle over non-substantive matters. My voice will go silent not because I am weak, but because the “care” has been driven out of me. I play the political game, then close down and move on.
I’m not alone in this behavior. How many of us have heard our friends or family say, “I just go to work and do what I’m told.” My Dad use to say that. He and many others have chosen to silence their voice rather than compete. When really, what I or anyone else wants is the thrive through collaboration, knowing our thoughts, battle scars and life learnings are valued and needed. We want to contribute, but instead ego gets in the way and we go silent.
I will never understand how some of the most insecure people I’ve met tend to also be in top leadership roles in companies. What did someone see in them because from here in the trenches, it doesn’t make sense. And some of the best people I know, whose voices have been silenced, could show up and lead from a place of practical experience, intellectual curiosity and empathy since they have been there, in the trenches. They know. They could be those blue collar leaders.
The say the cream doesn’t rise to the top and what I have described is a vicious circle – the ones who lead are the ones who silence those who could and likely should. How much are losing in not encouraging people to live to their fullest potential. How is that circle broken? I’ll let you know when I figure it out. But right now, I’m going to snuggle my fur babies.