In June of 2004, my Mom was officially diagnosed with breast cancer. I had suspected for much longer, but she refused to go to a doctor. Since that summer day, my life seems to have been a stream of change – cancer, moving to Germany to work overseas, being laid off while living overseas and moving home, a new job, selling my townhouse, moving from the suburbs into the city, a new job, mom’s remission to cancer to dying in 2011, yet another job and then getting laid off again, another new job, my Dad dies, selling my childhood home and the memories therein.
There was also the change around me. A member of my choir and friend died in a tragic boating accident, two of my dear uncles passed away as well as an aunt. I’ve had neighbors move in and out as well as the societal changes from flip phones to smartphones, the end of beloved TV shows, buildings being torn down and others put in their place to new presidential administrations.
When I lay it out in this linear fashion, I am reminded it was a lot of change to endure. Many of these changes were also big, life changes – the loss of loved ones, new jobs, moving.
I turned 50 in December. Before and since, I’ve been reflecting on this life journey of mine. Perhaps this passage of time and the changes within it are more visual when you have children, something biology didn’t allow for in my life. You see your children practically immobile, to rolling, to crawling, to walking. You see them continually learning, talking and growing into themselves. But reflecting individually on the passage of time and the changes we walk through isn’t as visual and maybe not as noticeable.
As I turned 50, it was important to me to embrace this milestone birthday. It gave me the opportunity to celebrate and bring the many people in my life together. During that evening, I spoke about each of the groups of my friends and family and how they helped craft me, carried me, consoled me, sang with me, challenged me and most importantly loved me. Despite all my flaws, the times I may have unintentionally hurt or caused pain, they loved. My people provided a constant flow of forgiveness and kindness. They created a safe place for me to be the best and worse of me, to which I can always return, return to myself.
People have often said that I am strong. Perhaps I am in comparison. But the reality in my mind is that I am not strong, I have strength around me. I have the strength of my friends, the strength of my family and the strength of my God. This is the strength that surrounds me and carries me.
My life is a bit more settled now. I feel 50 has brought me peace, security and a liberating confidence. There is much I have let go and so much more ahead. I am excited to see how it unfolds. Most importantly, I am excited to share this journey ahead with my people, for they are the strength that surrounds me.